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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?